帮忙看下雅思大作文 几分左右，帮修改 评价 万分感谢！ {百分悬赏并追加！！！
发布网友
发布时间：2022-05-31 16:16
共3个回答
热心网友
时间：2023-10-19 04:56
As far as I am concern->As far as I am concerned
very significant-> significant
the families-> family members
the largecities->large cities
the increase of social pressure->the increase in social pressure
这些句子考官一天看 1万句 没新意。
with the development of modern society,
There are three reasons about this phenomenon
Last but not least,
care more about their parents
还有这句 which make the geographical distance between parents and children。
难道父母在一起就没有物理的空间距离了？ 还有就是 难道父母就不可以住在大城市？
which causes people concern more about interest
如果你想说压力大 然后人们更倾向于把业余时间留给自己的爱好 那么应该加their interests
总体而言你的论点不够细化 太过于笼统 比如说你的第三个观点 social pressure 。 这个社会压力可以是各种各样的 你第三点的论点可以这么写 但是到你的具体后面2句 support的时候就应该细分 比如说 下一句可以下 compared with few decades ago, higher working pressure and longer working hour which occupies people over 12hours per day in some metropolis and those finally lead to the young spend their after-hour(free) time with their friends or on their interests
这里的 higher working pressure and longer working hour 就是social pressure的一种具体表现。
英语的作文结构很重要
一个论点出去 要有论据做支持 而这个论据一定是论点的细化
从general ->specific->more specific-> most specific(就是 examples)
这文章应该能有6分 虽然没有什么新颖用词和句子但是也没有什么语病 如果你们论点idea能够更逻辑一些 个人觉得是可以写到6.5-7分的
热心网友
时间：2023-10-19 04:56
第一段：
close family改为close families
only前加not，not only but also固定搭配
the families去掉the
第二段
reasons about改为reasons for
trend改为tend
第三段
which widens the geographical distance between parents and children
既然已经用了一个定语从句，就不能再用。建议用分词causing serious communication problems...
likes communicating
作为美观考虑，最好改为young people prefer，和their parents prefer平行
最后一句建议改成focus more on their own interests
第四段
has a negative effect
as far as I am concerned
actions could be taken/something could be done
rather than surfing
it is a good idea to use Internat camera to communicate and understand young people's habits, so as to narrow the generation gap
causes for that situation
Although there are some difficulties when taking real actions,this trend will be reserved if all family members take a positive attitude toward this gap and make some real actions.
热心网友
时间：2023-10-19 04:57
2.What are the possible reasons for this and what can be done to reserve the trend （？） 评价： 作文中自问自答的方式不是很好 reserve 用词不恰当 最好改成 change
3. Family relationship plays a verysignificant part in our social (lives).
4. （A） close family will have positive （effects）not only on（the） family members but also on the stability of the society.
5. However, with the development of (the) modern society, () families are not as close as before anymore.
6. This essay will present several reasons (why this is happening) and make some suggestions (to solve the problem). 句子不完整 几个原因 什么原因？ 一些建议 给什么的建议？
7. There are three reasons （for） this phenomenon
亲。。。。。。。。。。。。。每句话都有问题。。。。。。。。。。。。。j想改的话 加QQ语音说吧
